In my previous post I delved into my feeling that the more you begin to consider the consequences of your decision from multiple perspectives (those of other people, the community, the environment) the more difficult decision making becomes, and I introduced the concept of two important groups of people who often become part of the decision making process. This post is about the first of those groups - Cheer-leaders.
We all have Cheer-leaders in our life - these are the people that urge you on, pump your tyres up, and start chanting your name when you are embarking on a new journey. They are important support when making decisions, because they want you to succeed. This can be for many reasons, but mostly it is because they will ride with you on the journey, especially through the highs. They have been there with you through the lows and they think they know what you are capable of. They have chosen to dedicate some of their life supporting you, if only by positive words and inspiring war-cries. Some are fully invested, because your success will mean a step up for them also. Others are promoters, seeing that your success will benefit many.
They are important, they give you courage and help you recognise your self-worth. The best will follow you wherever you go or whatever you do. You need to cherish these ones, because not everyone has such dedicated support.
But the thing about Cheer-leaders is that few of them will ever understand all the consequences you will be considering. Be aware that they have their own lives and deal with their own consequences. I think it is important to be a cheer-leader for others when they need it - I'm a big believer in karma.
I mentioned that they have a role to play in your decision making, especially with more difficult and complex decisions. They can highlight to you what is important, and remind you of things that you may have forgotten. However, do not adjust your weighting of pros and cons based on their opinions and beliefs. If you do this, what you are essentially doing is abrogating some of your responsibility for potential consequences of your decision onto them.
I have found that when I have done this in the past it becomes all too easy for me to shift blame should a negative consequence occur, rather than taking ownership of the outcome. It seems to me that by taking a Cheer-leader's weighting of the pros and cons I have, at times, felt a form of 'buyers remorse', and this too is probably from not truly taking ownership of the decision.
There is a great quote column/essay written by the rugby league coach Wayne Bennett about self-esteem, and the importance of knowing who to listen too. I will see if I can find a link to it.
Value your Cheer-leaders for what they are - unashamed fans of you and what you are capable of, but don't expect too much of them. They are not building your legacy, which is what you are working towards when making big decisions. Your legacy should be uniquely yours, and the only way to build it that way is to take ownership of the decision and the consequences.
In my next post I will speak about another group of important people I have identified when I am making decisions. I call them External Influencers.
